Saturday, March 31, 2007

Tilting at the Windmills of My Mind

Do you have those moments, minutes, hours, weeks where you wonder if and where you fit into the scheme of things? Lately the hum of my mind, stuck in some cerebral groove like an old 33½ rpm, has been driving me crazy. I know what began this latest spiral of self-doubt and knowing that it is probably a light form of depression is half the battle. But, despite that knowing, I am still tilting at the windmills of my mind.

How do you make yourself see your worth? Know that you’re not just an albatross around the neck of those you want as your friends? I have no clue. Well really I don’t, but the sane part of me screams at the tilting part to take them at face value. I have great friends. Friends, who would not willingly harm me, would not willingly say something hurtful – even in their own pain. I am blessed. My husband, daughters, grandson, parents, and dog all love me. I am blessed.

Recently I’ve come to realize that in some respects many of my friends and family are in the same uncharted waters where I am barely treading to keep my head above. Many are ex-Mormons (friends, not family,) trying to figure out where they belong in the world. How to deal with their personal beliefs, their spiritual beliefs, and the lies and truths of their birth religion? I am blessed because, while I did leave my birth religion, I left because I needed to feel important to my beliefs and them to me. I needed to be true.

Christmas morning when I was twelve, I proudly sat in the choir loft singing with all the love I have inside me at the joy of Christ birth. My belief in Jesus Christ, my Lord Redeemer has always brought me to tears. So to be sitting there with my siblings that Christmas morning, having chosen church over opening presents, I was shocked into reality to find the choir berated from the pulpit for anxiously wanting to be at home opening presents instead of singing for the Lord. Well this wasn’t so for me, weeks before I’d snuck into my mom’s closet to see what I was getting. It was no big secret to me; see I really had chosen church that Christmas morning. I know you think my reasoning is convoluted. Don't despair, deviousness does have its pain.

Our previous minister and his family had been relocated after a decade ministering to our membership. So this special Christmas morning message of not measuring up to the Lord was brought to us by a new fire and brimstone, Bible thumping minister who must have failed to realize which type of Presbyterian Church he had signed on to. I cried all the way home and after a wonderful Christmas celebration had a heart felt discussion with my parents.

As I said, I was raised Presbyterian, but it wasn’t until a year ago that I came to even realize my father doesn’t believe Jesus is the Son of God. You could say the pronouncement, that Saturday morning, at my parent’s breakfast table left my mother and me… well, speechless. A rare occasion to say the least, and even more confusing in the light of what happened that Christmas day some forty years before. My mother and father had sat and listened intently to my problem and offered up the solution that, at the age of twelve, I could begin my discovery of other religions and faiths and chose which fit me best. Both of my parents backed my decision with the condition that I must go to church each Sunday. And no, Saturday Mass didn’t count, I had to go to Sunday Mass too. Ouch.

Wow, I can hardly imagine what my Ex-Mormon and Ex-Catholic friends would think at this proclamation in their lives. The church I’d been raised in was just two city blocks away from our house, and was one of many on a long stretch of La Mirada Blvd. So from the Presbyterian Church I went to the Baptist Church (whoa, not for me) skip the Friends Church, go to Mass with my cousin, to the Pentecostal Church with a friend whose Bible thumping father was the minister – it was good entertainment, but I wasn’t sure where God and I fit into the scheme of things. At Girl Scout camp we had a lovely, non-denominational, folk music based service (my fav.)

Finally I went and tested the waters of the Friends Church. When they spoke they were warm, inviting, and thought the same way I did. That the light of God was inside me, that I mattered in the scheme of God and the world. I’d found my home. That’s not to say I was a faithful Friend from day one, no, I am a child of the 60s and 70s. I have been a slut, a druggie, a loner, and very human, but I know that God still loves me. That Jesus died for me; I know that the eternal light of God shines inside each and everyone of us if we let it. That ever, loving light was mine.

Am I a good Quaker? Not very, I don’t attend meetings nearly often enough, I am not strong enough in my convictions to stand up in a fight of wills. When it comes to knowing the Bible and its verses I am terrible. I can not quote verse and scripture, and it’s not that I won’t go look them up, not that I don’t read the Bible, and not that I don’t believe in what is there – because I do, but because I know enough for me. I live fully on the belief that I should not judge other people, that I am loved for me, and that my religion is Jesus and is between me and God, and that violence against another – either personal or as a community is a crime against the nature of Christ.

The Bible charges us to witness to others. Unlike Jehovah Witnesses, Mormons, or some Baptist I don’t believe this means peddling my religion door to door. I find that vulgar and rude. To me it means being prepared to listen and discuss my beliefs with someone in their time of need. Or even my time of need. To give them succor and lighten their load, to show them the light inside of themselves.

I am distressed when I see my friends, new and old, ravaged by the lies of their religion. So devastating the realizations, that their faith is often tested and found wanting. Religions where the Church and those who run them have literally become more important that the God they are suppose to serve. When the power and money has corrupted those who serve, that they have become a force unto themselves.

In Genesis God create heaven and earth. He created man and woman, maybe not on an even playing field, but both were created along with the beast, birds, and bees. Oh, and those horrid little snakes. In Leviticus he handed down the laws of the Old Testament to Aaron and the Rabbis, laws for the serving Rabbis of the time that have spurred the basis of hatred over the millenniums. And with the beginning of a new age, God leveled the playing field with the birth, death, and resurrection of his son Jesus. He wrote two news laws that null and void all that went before and gave a gift of salvation equal to all, no man is placed above woman, no woman is placed above man – equality in salvation.

I weep that people once faithful to God have had their foundations destroyed by religion, a destruction so deep it rents the fabric of their daily lives, crushes their spirit, and questions all that they are, all that they believe. I will over come my depressions, because I am strong elsewhere. I hope they too will over come and see the strength and peace that comes from the light with in, the light of the Lord.

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

American Idol Week Six – Pop Week

I am 7 for 12

Isn’t Gwen Stefani so cute? What a career. Mother, wife, singer, designer, and mentor, and she looks so adorable through out, very Orange County blonde – but I bet she’s never surfed. I am glad to know that she is going back to her band, and soon No Doubt fans everywhere will have new tunes from the pens of Kanal and Stefani to bop to.

Have you ever considered the impact that American Idol has on the American music charts? In truth it is mind boggling. My station plays a very eclectic mix of music; Adult Contemporary, Hot Adult Contemporary or CHR, a dose of Oldies (1967 to 1980), with some top ten Country thrown in for good measure. In today’s music market you don’t have a chart without it an American Idol or alum in the mix.

So what you are seeing today, will help calculate the Billboard Hot 200 album charts and Hot 100 singles charts. Consider the album chart and we’ll just look inside the 100 (because I don’t buy the subscription for the remaining 100 listings – cheap bitch, I know)

Formerly number one, Daughtry’s self titled debut is sitting at number 4 in its seventeenth week in the Billboard Hot 200, and has now gone platinum two times over, spawning to date two hits – the solid gold, number one for five weeks running It’s Not Over, and Home – this year’s Idol exit song.

Carrie Underwood’s Some Hearts is enjoying it’s 70th week in the Billboard 200, has been certified platinum, by the RIAA, five times over. Singles from her debut effort have taken her into the Hot Country Tracks chart four times; Wasted (# 6 this week,) Don’t Forget To Remember Me(#2), Before He Cheats (#1), and Jesus, Take The Wheel (#1.) And those are just the ones in the top ten.

Katherine McPhee’s debut is sitting at number 73, after peaking at #2 in its debut week seven weeks ago.

As you can see, the impact is huge. Millions of albums and singles sold; the power that turns your radio dial on. So let’s see how they did this week.

Lakisha kicked off the evening with a cover of Donna Summer’s The Last Dance. My immediate response, I thought this was Pop night – er, I’m not a disco person. She has far too much voice for the song. I just didn’t like the performance, although she was good.

Chris Sligh – Performed the Police’s Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic. Good song choice, when he started singing I thought of Christopher Cross for some reason. I didn’t think he was bad. But the darn echo effect was terrible, it kept pulling my attention away from the performance, but not enough to miss the flat spots.

Gina – I love Gina. Boy she picked a perfect song for her, The Pretender’s I’ll Stand By You. A great song choice, she performed it well, put her own mark on the song and sang her heart out. Kudos. She was the best female performance until Melinda sang. But I didn’t like the top she was wearing.

Sanjaya – Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!!!!

So many thoughts, none are positive and ranting won’t make me feel better about this guy. First off, what a suck up, last week, this week, next week, and the week after he will suck up. What’s with the hair? A Faux Hawk for a Faux Singer. Dude, No Doubt is a Ska band, they sing Ska songs, get a clue. No amount of Bath Water will help you.

Haley – Looked pretty, she chose a pretty song, changed up the arrangement, and sang a pretty cover of True Colors it wasn’t Cyndi Lauper and definitely not Phil Collins. It just fell flat for me.
Phil – chose Every Breath She Takes by the Police. I was impressed. I remember several weeks back he did a song, I can’t remember which, but he impressed me. In the weeks since I’d wondered why. Tonight I remember why, he was very good, wonderful, his ability shown through, and he under played the song perfectly. But the echo, sigh.

Melinda – wow, she too chose Donna Summers, but it was night in day for me from Lakisha’s performance. I don’t even like Heaven Knows but OH.MY.GOSH when Melinda sings it doesn’t make a difference if you don’t like the song, she is so wow factor.

Blake didn’t beat box tonight – and for me it was down hill from there. I love his beat box, it gives everything a Blake touch, tonight’s song was bland, but it wasn’t terrible, it was just bland. Oh, Blake sang a love song by The Cure.

Jordin – I can’t believe this girl is only 17 years old. She is so incredibly talented. Covering No Doubt’s Hey, Baby she remembered it was Ska, she gave it her own personality, she made it her own and she had a good time doing it. I loved it.

Chris R – Sang No Doubt’s Don’t Speak and all I can say is Boy Band. He just doesn’t cut it for me.

My Favorites for the week…
♫ Melinda
♫ Jordin
♪ Gina

Malakar was by far the worst, and he has to go, but I know he will survive because the Dark Force is with him.

So have faith. I know that while Malakar and the Dark Force will prevail more often than I want, the cream of American Idol will eventually rise to the top. Claim music charts and make millions. While the Sanjayas, Taylors, and Reubens will fade into music obscurity.

And I want to say thank you to Karin Tabke at well Karin Tabke for allowing me to guest blog for her, covering this week's American Idol performances.


Thursday, March 22, 2007

Adaptation: The Ever Changing Me

When I was younger, you know the starry eyed teen and young mother, I was up for a change. A change of scenery, a change of jobs, a change of seasons, change my kid, my men, whatever – I was ready. From California’s sunny clime, to the Oregon Rain Festival, to Fruehlingsfest in Germany I adapted while morphing into the person I am today.

But in the five decades of my life I have learned that I am no longer as adaptive to physical location changes (outside of a week of summer vacation) as I use to be. Note: Summer warmth means I’m much more adaptive; snow vacations are probably not my cup of tea. Snow: pretty to look at, but cold feet, fingers, and nipples are not my bag.

The changes in my mental make up are much more profound. Before – in my hip, so sure, younger days – I was firm on my platform (unless they were shoes) and would argue till you were blue in the face. Today I am eager to argue my stance, “the argue for the pure love of arguing, but usually nobody is wrong type arguing.” It also comes with a flip side, the adaptive part of me will change my stance when someone gives me a compelling believable argument. Oh, wait, that is called listening skills, right? In some respects isn’t that what survival and progress are all about? Communicating? Listening? Adaptation? I like this part of change.

I’ve noted over the past few years, as my job has grown from lowly DJ to whatever it is I do now, that I have tried hard to take the criticisms put to me, incorporate the good, and throw out the rest. Sometimes it comes with a bit of resistance, other times it blindsides me, and sometimes it just confounds the people who know me. I am trying to be a good manager. My problem, I’m not a good oral communicator – I know, too funny for a person who makes their living talking right?

There is a big difference between talking and communicating. Seven years ago I knew absolutely nothing about computers. Moving the radio station into the new millennium and working with state of the art equipment made me learn. I am willing to learn. So what does that have to do with talking?

Everything and nothing. You want to know about rock and pop music? If I don’t know the answer I will search until I find it. Pop trivia is like a narcotic to me, I’ve got to know, I’ve got to have more. You ask me, I will seek, and get back to you with the answer. Damn I wish Jeff Probst still did Rock & Roll Jeopardy! That was my game.

In today’s music world (like everywhere else) computers run the station. Explaining to you our current computer problem status and prognosis is almost impossible for me.

This week was almost too much. I am a bad manager. Why?
1) I have no clue how to delegate and be happy with the outcome, so I carry the burden and do it myself. (kind of like cleaning your kids’ room once in a while.)
2) Because I can’t communicate, everyone feels I treat them like mushrooms and leave them in the dark. It’s not my intent but that is the out come. If I have nothing new to disseminate, I will say nothing. Therefore, I don’t know how to communicate that in an acceptable way.

So with one computer down, one pantomiming congestive heart failure, and a third forever leaning heavy on the crash cart I was to the end of my rope. My head was swimming with the details and events of each computer and trying hard (yet failing) to not confuse it all. I failed to communicate with my crew. This weighed heavy on me all afternoon and evening long, I’ve no idea how to fix this in me. It doesn’t bother me to have someone tell me I am failing to communicate, because if you don’t tell me, I don’t’ realize it.

Wow, am I digressing or what. This was suppose to be about changing and adapting.

I won’t harbor bad feelings about a person who points out my problems to me, or something I’ve over looked, it if is done is a reasonable manner. Shit, I don’t even hold grudges against the two guys who raped me, or my first two husbands. Note: they are not two and the same. I don’t hold grudges. I can’t, grudges make no sense to me. I’m sorry is an apology, when heartfelt it is accepted, end of story. The actions might change where we were in our relationship, because that is how people work, but I won’t hate you and hold it against you, for say, hmmm, ever and three days.

So, to those whom I don’t communicate fully, my sincere apologies. The main production computer is back on line, but don’t use the second CD rom, it bit the big one. My production computer is still hanging on to the crash cart but works. And the AM on air, well it’s waiting for a specialist. Please have patience and watch this spot.

For the rest of you thank you for letting me get this off my chest. Wow, I needed it. To my first ex who tried to kill me. Twice. I forgive you, now please would you give Psam the $8250 in back child support, she could really use it. To ex number two, I forgive you for ripping my heart out, destroying our lives, and leaving a wake of devastation. I do wish you happiness – life is far too long to not be happy. To Bob who raped me in my freshman year, I really do forgive you and accept that I had a responsibility to the act. To Mark H who raped me in high school. I forgive you, you asshole.

Hey I said I forgive, I didn’t say I forget.

Wow, I feel a great weight missing, but don’t you wish a heartfelt “getting something off your chest thingie” would equated to losing inches off your thighs or something? Gosh, think of the better condition the world’s thighs would be in. I could forgo obesity.


Wednesday, March 21, 2007

American Idol Week 5 - The British Invasion

I’m 7 for 11

Not one single American Idol has ever sung and will never sing the first hit of the British Invasion. And all for a good reason, the first number one to hit American soil in the second British Invasion was an instrumental. Two years before the Beatles claimed the hearts of screaming, crying young American girls everywhere a group named the Tornadoes hit number one on the US Pop charts with the instrumental Tellstar (named for the satellite.)

I love British Invasion music; understandably, I was in the second grade when the Beatles landed. So I know the words to every one of the songs sung last night. I enjoyed the music. I enjoy the celebrity guest and thought Lulu especially rocked and got into the gig. So how did the Idols do? Not bad over all, even the guys seemed to bring it. But Gawd! What was with the crying girl? I mean Sanjaya is no Ringo, he’s not even a Peter Noonan, or for that thought a Peter Tork. Opps! Wrong invasion.

And we can now see the influence of the American Idolist style team. Jordin’s straight hair, perfection. Melinda’s new cut, very nice but it will take some getting use to. And Chris has put his glasses back on.

So let’s get down to it, how did they do in my humble opinion? Not bad over all. I’ll give them an 85, No one forgot the words and you could dance to it, well if you could remember how to pony, swim, or jerk. Oh, and I have to say, from the moment they announced the week was British Invasion, I knew Beat Box Blake would chose the Zombie’s Time Of The Season.

Haley – picked the right song, Billy Davis’ Tell Her. But did anyone notice she lost her breath twice during her performance?

Chris R – Sang a nasally rendition of Gary and the Pacemaker’s Don’t Let The Sun Catch You Crying. I wasn’t sold on this performance and felt he should have chosen a Bee Gees song. Gary wrote the song after his girl friend left him, it is a sad, lonely song, I didn’t get that from Chris’ performance. While Gary won back his girl friend with the song, Chris didn’t win me over.

Stephanie Edwards – I usually like this Idolist, but last night’s cover of Dusty Springfield’s You Don’t Have To Say You Love Me missed the mark. Edwards started the song off late falling behind the music, she caught up, but I never got caught up in the song.

Beat Box Blake – I already said it, I knew this song was perfect for him and he nailed it. Although that dancing thing is weird, it did match the song strangely. Now in all honesty Blake was flat once or twice, and fell behind at one point. And.Yet.I.Still.Loved.His.Performance. The best male performance for the night.

Lakisha Jones – darn, I wish she would have picked Cilla Black’s You’re My World, but no she chose Shirley Bassey’s Diamond Are Forever. Don’t get me wrong, it was a good performance, she became Shirely Bassey (literally,) but I really (along with Lulu) thought the other would have been a better choice. She was flawless and yet, I still wanted the other song.

Phil Stacey – Covering the Nashville Teens Tobacco Road was… a good choice, but when Stacey couldn’t hit the notes or wanted to power into the lyrics he yelled. And unlike the judges I thought the ending sucked.

Jordin Sparks - Truly sparkled, this was one of my favorite performances of the night. Choosing I Who Have Nothing was inspired. Her performance was inspired. Where as Lakisha became Shirely Bassey, Jordin became the song. Only 17 years old, wow. She blew me away, I was captivated by her performance, her voice, her.

Sanjaya Malakar – have you noticed Malakar is really close to malarkey? Just sayin’. Sanjaya chose the Kinks’ You Really Got Me, and really for him it was a good choice. But excuse me, The Kinks / Herman’s Hermits? No one would weigh the two against each other in song selection, it's apples and oranges. For the most part he performed well, there were parts I liked, but he’s Sanjaya and my enjoyment of his song was lost in the ending. And the fact that he’s Sanjaya. See this is where past performances tarnish the present. I am still hoping he’s gone.

Gina – I love this girl. She looks like a star. She chose Paint It Black by the Stones. My morning DJ thinks it should be Gina going this week. I disagree. She did have a bad start and she needed to hit her lower registers better, but I thought she did fine. She’s no Sanjaya. Thank God. I want to see this girl in a knee length black duster, black leathers, and white or burgundy silk. She just looks the part.

Chris Sligh – it was so nice to hear him say he’s a fan of the British Invasion. Great song choice, the Zombies’ She’s Not There was a perfect fit. Chris did a good job, enjoyable performance. Chris listens to his critiques, takes them to heart. And I do like him better with his glasses.

Melinda Doolittle – Goosebumps. I had never heard As Long As He Needs Me, but it will forever be a song I equate with her. Wow, stellar performance, hideous blouse. I like the haircut, but I liked her hair before.

Did you notice no one sang a Beatles tune?

The Best this week

♫ Jordin Sparks
♪ Melinda Doolittle

I am still begging America to send Sanjaya home, don’t let Vote for the Worst win again, the results are just to painful if he stays.


Wednesday, March 14, 2007

American Idol week 4 – I had a great title for this post last night, but that was last night

I’m 7 for 10

When I was growing up in the late sixties and early seventies, I loved Diana Ross and the Supremes. I watched any show they were on, all their specials, bought their albums, sobbed during Lady Sings The Blues. Did you know that when they were signed by Berry Gordy to Motown they were the Primettes? Yep, the female answer to the Primes… aka the Temptations. Then Diana became a Diva and began the spiral out of the spotlight.

Last night she gave the American Idol contestants terrible advice, if she gave them (individually) any advice. She told them to enunciate, to not cut any of the words, and project – okay that part was good advice. And it must be something in the Arizona air because I thought she was channeling my Aunt Maria. Basically what I got from her was, here’s a photo op on TV’s biggest two nights, smile for the camera and don’t screw up my songs, they are perfect as there are. Hence the death spiral from the spotlight.

What the majority of the contestants didn’t do last night was feel their song choice. Each week the judges implore the AI wanna be’s to make a song their own.

Every week Lakisha feels her song, she wears it like a dress. This week’s cover of God Bless the Child was no exception. Lakisha delivers a memorable performance each time she takes the stage. She becomes the song. I liked the dress, but it would have looked nicer in a textured silk, in a colour other than white. And she should have used a mic stand.

Melinda, this woman puts a new meaning into the word dynamite. Wow, She has star power. I didn’t know the song Home but she made me love it and her anew. She needs fresher brighter clothing.

Gina rocked with a nice performance of Love Child, but I think Ross’ advice was her doom.

Jordin, what a doll.

A blog I visit daily, Karen Tabek, commented that Haley’s response to her performance and missed words was endearing, I have to agree. In the past she seemed to think she knew more than the judges. This week she was human. My only critique with her song is that she didn’t feel it. Missing You is a haunting song of loss and heart break. Haley tends to power through a song instead of caressing and molding it.

With each passing week we are going to see what the American Idol fashion and hair stylist can do. I have to agree Chris S should keep his glasses, Melinda needs a fresher look, and that dress Haley was wearing? OHMIGOD, it was as bad as the blouse thingie that Carrie Underwood wore the week before.

The guys were total duds. While I didn't like either Chris' or Blake's takes on their songs, I give them props for the effort and attempts. As I said before, each week they are urged to take chances, make themselves stand out. I liked Beat Box Blake’s arrangement of You Keep Me Hanging On, but Blake himself sang it monotone and with absolutely no energy.

Chris, Endless Love, ugh, I hate the song all over again, but dude you tried.

Phil, hideous, you over sang I’m Gonna Make You Love Me.

The other Chris sucked the life out of The Boss.

Something that most singers in this competition fail to get at the beginning of each cycle of American Idol is that
1) the judges do know what they are talking about, and
2) they (the contestants) don't understand or feel their songs. Endless Love is a song that sucks, and Missing You - come on that is a heart felt song that should be sung with tears and emotion.

The Best
♫ Melinda
♪ Lakisha

God, people PLEASE I IMPLORE YOU vote out Sanjaya and put us out of his misery.

Sunday, March 11, 2007

A Charges Leveled Introspective – you’ll find this boring

Friendships are an ever changing. Oh wait, you knew that didn’t you? My mom has always said I collect little lambs to take under my wing; to nourish, offer an occasional shoulder, to support. But I think it is what I get from the relationships that are important to me. The feeling of importance to another person, the give and take of thoughts, frivolities, humor, sorrow, and each other.

Through out my life, “best friends” or “bestest friends” have come and gone. What did I do? What didn’t I do? And how much should either side of a relationship have to deal with? In reality I don’t think it is any of these things.

I recently lost a bestest friend. We’d been buds for seven internet years, lived 2500 miles apart, spoke on the phone on occasion, and supported each other. We never met face to face. There were things about her I didn’t like, but the good out weighed the bad. There were things about me she didn’t like. See it’s a balance, the eternal give and take. And each time it is over I tell myself, “I won’t have another best friend, it hurts too much.” What a lie I tell myself. Despite being shy, I am a social person.

The good thing that comes of losing a best/bestest friend is the introspective period that follows. Considering all that has been said, can not be taken back, that will inevitably change who I was, shaping who I will morph into. Consideration of the charges:

1) That I always have to have the last word. I don’t believe that to be true, on the other hand most of my friends do not have to either, so it is a weird balance of last words.
2) That I can’t take a joke. My second husband said, as we were separating our lives and parting our ways, two things. 1) I have no sense of humor 2) I have no personality. Of all the things he said to me, besides I love you and good-bye, these have had the longest lasting impact on me. The I love you was a lie; good-bye has been long lasting and the truth; items 1 and 2 haunt me. So when my former bestest said I can’t take a joke, it rung like a death knell in the air. Maybe I can’t take a joke, I forever doubt myself or that I am not being understood and often let people know “that was a joke.”
3) That I run away pouting. I know that is not true. In the unspoken situation I left before I said words I could not take back. I do not intentionally speak words that will hurt. I do not enter into most arguments when both parties are mad; one of us needs to be grounded in calm.
4) And apparently I was throwing a temper tantrum. Hmmm, I guess a third party would have to decide that, and I’m not asking her to step into the middle of this, although I was accused of talking behind my bestest back, because I apologized to a third party about what was happening and told them I would be leaving if it continued. To her that talking about her verifies everything
5) I was also told that I critiqued others so harshly that I drove people away, and at least one person left in tears several times because of what I said. Of all the charges leveled at me, this one was the most serious to me. I have always tried to measure my critiques with a level of positive ness. So do I stand in judgment of the works of others that I am cutting and cruel? This will colour the way I look at the work of others and my critique for them for sometime. I have always tried to give two positive comments for every negative or comment of correction. Especially in poetry. Poetry is subjective, the levels of writing poetry are specific to the poet, as is the penchant of specific rhyme schemes. A five meter, every line rhyming scheme drives me crazy, but each poet has their own level of security, I in the past had commented on that, but in recent years only comment when I poet steps out of their personal comfort zone and ventures into their uncharted waters. It takes a lot of guts to do so.
6) That no one would give me input on my work, because I keep needing to be right.
Beyond asinine – I have no comment on this.
7) And her final salvo, beside I am not worth her time and effort was this, that I will write about our falling out. Hmmm she was defiantly right on that one. It took me time to think about it, consider, and weigh the words, intent, and content; to use the truths and throw out the superfluous, then to evolve from it. Writing about it helps me put it all in perspective, work it out. She will never read it, because she doesn’t blog, she doesn’t care, and I realize – because she is in self protect mode and defensive.

I will learn and grow from this. I will have more best friends (because I am a glutton that way,) but she will always hold a place in my thoughts and heart, for she was like a sister to me. Because she (and her influence) is part of who I will become tomorrow. I wish her the best, I wish for her someone who will understand her better than I did. I wish for her peace and good writing.


Wednesday, March 07, 2007

American Idol - Week Three

So far in the count I am 5 for 8

America last year you voted Chris Daughtry out, and Taylor Hicks American Idol. Once again, DUDES! What were you thinking? Taylor Hicks opening salvo into the album charts, released in December, is no longer in the top half of the Billboard 200 album chart. Chris Daughtry and band’s self titled debut, dropped just this past November, has made number one on the Billboard Album Charts, not once, but twice now and was certified double platinum this week by the Recording Industry Association of America, per Billboard and counts by Nielsen Sound Scan.

In keeping score, Carrie Underwood’s Some Hearts has gone and receive multi platinum status from the RIAA five times over – count them five times platinum and sixty two weeks on the Billboard 200. The girl rocks.

Now for the present – Each and every week (all three in counting) the girls have stepped up to the mic, claimed the stage and blown the guys out of the water. This week the chasm between gender talent was as wide as the Grand Canyon. And the sad part is, with the gender equality two, possibly three unworthy guys will make it into the American Idol top twelve, leaving girls far more talented out in the cold. A travesty.

So how do I break it down? The guys totally sucked this week, and I will never be able to forgive Jared for destroying my favorite Stevie Wonder song. Jared, If You Really Love Me is all about harmony – dude, step away from the mic. From Sanjaye to Phil the male talent walked out of the building with Blake’s last beat and reappear until Chris danced on to the stage.

The best guys of the night
♫ Blake, dude you rock, I loved the hip-hop, ska, reggae thing, but DO NOT DANCE.
♪ Chris Sligh, good vocals, the song didn’t do anything for me, but your voice made up for it.

Going this week for the guys…(well we can hope at least)
○ Sanjaye, totally lack luster and boring
○ Jared, argh you destroyed that song, my favorite Wonder song. Unforgivable.

From the first female performance of Wednesday night, game was back on. I feel dumb for repeating the same words of the judges, but the girls do bring their game to each performance. I think if Jordin could have held a high note for a while she’d have wowed the judges more, Benatar is in a league of her own and hard to copy, but I think Jordin is up to the task. I was kind of surprised by Melinda’s choice of songs, but she brought the house down. And LaKisha, well all I can say is, “Whitney, who?”

Well okay most of the girls. Haley needs to listen to the judges. Simon may lack finesse, but his critiques are spot on, listen to him Haley because right now you’re mediocre at best. Haley’s performance immediately reminded me of a beauty pageant talent round. I didn’t care for Stephanie’s song, but her voice was good. Sabrina’s performance was good, I liked the song, but I did not like the arrangement. And Gina, girl I like you, your spunk, and your style, but you did yell a bit.

The best women of the night…
♫ Lakisha, girl you’re gold
♪ Melinda, she brought home the bacon.

Girls I think should go home…(see I’m learning)
○ Antonella, I was a bit excited when I heard her choice, until she hit the flat notes, time and again
○ Haley, she knows it all so why bother critiquing her?

Now I have to say, did you catch the Visa commercial? The shoes that lady ended up with by the end of the commercial, too cute.