Friday, November 27, 2009

More Random Stuff Meme – From Me

Today at 1800hrs
From Don - Have fun and be truthful! I want to see your answers!!

1. What is your occupation right now? Operations Manger / Programming / Music / Sales – And Oh, Shit! Director
2. What color are your socks right now? Black tights
3. What are you listening to right now? KCST FM 106.9
4. What was the last thing you ate? An Odwalla bar and a pear
5. Can you drive a stick shift? They make something else?
6. Last person you spoke to on the phone? Psam
7. Do you like the person who sent this to you? Don, yeah duh I love him, he rocks.
8. How old are you today? 53 years, 9 months and 10 days, the time is 1800hrs… and 21 hours and 54 minutes
9. What is your favorite sport to watch on TV? Oregon Duck Football
10. What is your favorite drink? French Roast Coffee
11. Have you ever dyed your hair? Which time, which color, crap what is my color?
12. Favorite food? It depends on the day. Today, BBQ Steak, rare
13. What is the last movie you watched? Hmmmm, The Proposal. I love Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds…yeah.
14. Favorite day of the year? The Saturday before Christmas
15. How do you vent anger? I have no clue - argue?
16. What was your favorite toy as a child? skates
17. What is your favorite season? winter
18. Cherries or Blueberries? Cherries
19. Do you want your friends to e-mail you back? Certainly, but yeah, no spam, and please don’t forward the friggin’ pictures in the cute little emails, I don’t usually get them.
20. Who is the most likely to respond? Someone bored
21. Who is least likely to respond? Someone not bored- Psam & Fii
22. Living arrangements? Same house 28 years
23. When was the last time you cried? Last night when I was reading Soul Magic by Jennifer Lyons, whose really Jennifer Apodaca.
24. What is on the floor of your closet? Carpet
25. Who is the friend you have had the longest that you are sending this to? Oh, Crap I have to tag people? Psam
26. What did you do last night? Watched So You Think You Can Dance, wrote the Wednesday Links, and read the ending of Soul Magic (not in that order)
27. What are you most afraid of? Fucking snakes, where have you been?
28. Plain, cheese, or spicy hamburgers? Charbroiled with bacon please
29. What is your favorite kind of dog? Loving, non-itchy, fetches the ball, low energy.
30. What is your favorite day of the week? I don’t have a favorite
31. How many states have you lived in? 2 - Oregon (36) California (17)
32. Diamonds or pearls? Really? Neither – Amethyst
33. What is your favorite flower? Nasturtiums & Iris or maybe Tulips but definately Daffodils
34. What are your favorite two movies of all time? Love, Actually and Pride and Prejudice


Thursday, November 26, 2009

Talk Thursday: Appreciate, Validate, Communicate

Yes, I took the concept from John Edward. But as a person who has been loved, is loved, will be loved – all the while I have been giving love, isn’t it important that I communicate that love? Isn’t it important that I let the people in my life know that I appreciate who they are, what they are in my life? For because of them, there is a part of me that is. Yes, it’s that important and it’s that simple.

Far too many people take for granted the love in their lives. The kind words, efforts, and acts that make our lives richer never realizing how swift, unexpected, and finale the end is until the end is reality past. Or worse they expect it as their own due, never knowing the arrogance and selfishness of their existance. While I fully believe we should talk to those who have left us, I firmly believe we need to start those conversations on this plane. I never want to be the person who moans and weeps in self-pity, “I never had a chance to say good bye. I never had a chance to tell him I love him. I never had a chance to say thank you.”


Every parting to me is full. Full of love, full of thanks, full in my heart. I hope my words and actions convey to you my sincere intent upon our parting until the next time we shall be together. Please know I love you, I give you a “peace” of my heart, and hold our memories and spirit in reverence and joy to be unfolded, petted, and savored at unexpected moments. You are a part of my journey, sharing of yourself to be folded into me, footsteps towards who I am becoming. Never, please never, doubt your worth in my heart and in my life - For I am truly blessed to have you.


Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Talk Thursday: Life Altering Truths

I have always known I am loved. My parents have loved me despite my antics, rebellions, my teenage wrath and my youthful ignorance. My daughter has stuck with me with love and support through good times, thin times, bad times, parenting faux pas, and three husbands. My husband has stayed years beyond those who have left, put up with my strong will and opinionated self which he matches most of the time. I give my love with joy and accept your love in honor, with respect and stewardship.

Every person deserves love…at least at the start. A child is born – planned or not, with little expectation beyond life than to be wanted and loved, to give love, and of course there is that pesky eighteen year period of bills, the latest toys, and homework. But as a parent we usually understand what we are taking on, well at least we have a vague idea of our responsibilities. Some life starters don’t have a clue, can’t fathom how they can (for whatever reason) meet the demands of another life responsibility, or could put somebody else first before themselves and opt to give up their rights to parent – hopefully these children are adopted into welcoming families with more love than they know what to do with.

What rents my heart in to a zillion bloody unfunctioning pieces of abysmal sorrow is the knowledge that there are people (because I can’t call them parents, moms, or dads) who forsake that precious life, trample all of humanity by pimping out their five year old for their next fix, to pay their bills, or for a little extra spending cash.

The short life history of Shanyia Davis, whose “mother” pimped her out for sex is breaking my heart. I am so tired of “mothers" and "fathers” who go on TV wailing for their missing child when the whole time they are responsible, non-negotiable responsibility for the life, abuse, and destruction of a child who trusted, loved, and obeyed the authority in their life. They make it hard to believe the mothers and fathers who really are distraught over their missing child, people who have no culpability in the disappearance, abuse, death. I am non-violent, I don’t tend to believe in the death penalty, but right now I am filled with hatred and despair (emotions and judgment I am usually not wont to entertain) over this and several other HUNDRED cases just like this one. I don’t understand, I will not pretend to understand, I just want it changed. And I have no idea of how to do this.

In the Sandra Bulloch movie 28 Days the graduates of the addiction treatment center are charged with keeping a houseplant alive for a prescribed amount of months before being allowed to have a pet or a significant other in their life, if the houseplant dies, no pet, no significant other, and well no sex. Many high schools offer a class where students are required to care for a baby (a bag of flour, an egg, a whatever breakable abuseable thing) to give the potential caregiver/parent a taste of 24/7 responsibility. Isn’t it sad we don’t have some sort of litmus test in real life where a potential parent could be tested for skills of heart and humanity before being allowed to breed?

In my dismay and anger over the miss use, mistreatment, and murder of the Shanyia Davises of this world , I find that public disembowelment of any functioning reproductive system in such parents is only the beginning of a fitting punishment.

The life altering truth: Being loved and cherished isn't a given.

In Sorrow,

Sunday, November 08, 2009

50 Questions Meme

I love Memes and the answers often change, so I took this off of Psam’s website. I think I’ve done it before, but I’ll have to go searching to find out.

  1. What do you add to your coffee? Warm ups.
  2. What are you reading now? Magic Soul by Jennifer Apodaca. Up next Death Dealer by Heather Graham.
  3. Do you own a gun? 9mm Glock
  4. Are you registered to vote? Yes... Republic.... It was an absolute joy to write Barack Obama's name on my primary ballot. In truth I’m an independent and should reregister, but then I’d miss the fun of write ins.
  5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Not, really but I laugh a lot. Hey you go to a guy whom you watched grow up and whose dad was one of your teachers. Or get a well woman’s from the girl you graduated with and see if you don't laugh.
  6. What do you think of hot dogs? Darker please with mustard and relish.
  7. Favorite Christmas Song? Religious? O, Holy Night. Secular? 1) White Christmas (Drifters version) 2) Do They Know It’s Christmas 3) The Hippopotamus Song.
  8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? Copious amounts of fresh brewed hot French Roast Coffee
  9. Can you do push ups? Yes, God it took me years to master and then I got fat. But, oh, crap I better go check and no I can’t do chin ups.
  10. What was the name of your first boyfriend/girlfriend? Ronnie, and yes, his eyes were a beautiful blue eyes with black lashes.
  11. What’s your favorite piece of jewelry? Amethyst birthstone 16th birthday
  12. Favorite hobby? Gardening, hot tub, book (in that order).
  13. Do you work with people who idolize you? Only Grant.
  14. Do you have ADD? No, Psam say’s I have OCD. I doubt that have you looked on top of my refrigerator or in my closets?
  15. What’s one trait that you hate about yourself? I am the queen of procrastinators everywhere.
  16. What’s your Middle name? Calista
  17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment. I need to sleep, but this isn’t finished, oh look something shiny.
  18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday. Groceries, diet pills, a mocha – okay two but one was for Ducky.
  19. Name 3 beverages you regularly drink. Coffee, water, herbal tea (of late Celestrial Seasonings Apricot Peach Honeybush.)
  20. Current worry right now? What? Me Worry?
  21. What side do you dress to? The naked side
  22. Favorite place to be? Just one? In my garden
  23. How did you bring in the New Year? Probably snoring.
  24. Where would you like to go? Ireland, Scotland, Alaska
  25. Name three people who will complete this. (within the next 25 questions) Me, Myself, and I
  26. Whose answers do you want to read the most? hmmmm
  27. What color shirt are you wearing? Green tank top
  28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? No, you slide off and end up on the floor. I like cool sheets, really cool, helps stave off the hot flashes.
  29. Can you whistle? Yes, and it’s gotten me in trouble with a teacher, in good with a teacher, and heard.
  30. Favorite colors(s)? Green and Vesuvius
  31. Could you be a pirate? No, I like hot baths far too much and get seasick far too often.
  32. What songs do you sing in the shower? If I Were A Rich Man
  33. Favorite girls name? Siobahn
  34. Favorite boy’s name? Benjamin
  35. What’s in your pocket right now? no pockets, but my Kleenex is in my bra.
  36. Last thing that made you laugh? Taylor Swift’s SNL Monologue Song.
  37. Best bed sheets as a child? All our sheets were white cotton.
  38. Worst injury you’ve ever had? Broke my butt playing softball; broke my foot parasailing.
  39. Do you love where you live? I live in Heaven. Yes, I love where I live.
  40. How many TVs do you have in your house? Three
  41. Who is your loudest friend? My sister, Pinecone
  42. How many dogs do you have? One
  43. Does anyone have a crush on you? Nah.
  44. What are the most fun things you ever did? Surfing, road trips and singing in the car with Psam
  45. What are your favorite books? The Lord Of The Rings – JRR Tolkien, anything Jane Austen, The Stand – Stephen King. The Jenny T. Partridge series by Natalie Collins. TB White, The Once and Future King.
  46. What is your favorite candy? Lindor Truffles & Peeps
  47. Favorite Team? U of O Ducks.
  48. What songs do you want played at your funeral? I will not have a funeral.
  49. What were you doing at 12 AM? Sleeping
  50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? “Oh God, I think I even I heard me snoring.”

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Talk Thursday: Mea Culpa

Having failed Spanish through out school, I never attempted Latin or Legalese. So I had to look up Mea Culpa. Yes, that is the Girl Scout’s honest truth, while I’ve tried to own up to my guilt(s) through out my adult life, I have stayed away from most acts carrying potential legal ramifications – ergo, I’ve never been faced with Mea Culpa and had to swear an oath on a stack of Bibles.

I pondered…nope can’t admit to that one. I contemplated… Oh, no no…that one is off limits. Hmmm, ohmigawd my daughter reads this I’m not posting that one. So I was going to tell you about the time I rammed my dad’s VW fastback through the garage door. Yeah, I know, I’ve owned that one for years.

But now, charges have been brought up against me in the court of blog that I must address- that of being the mother of a latch-key, McGyver loving, scientific adolescent. Had I known the potential danger involved I would have kept the two teen girls (and their uninvited boyfriend) on board who’d been babysitting her. Wouldn’t that have been lovely?

Instead I had the lady next door keep an “eye on her”, (the opportunity for a sense of freedom and responsibility – or so I told myself) I came home on my break, and was off work by 5 o’clock. Apparently it wasn’t enough. I noticed something was up when my spoons began disappearing (to this day I don’t have matching spoons.) You’ve undoubtedly heard of bee’s knees – well I’ve had the elbows, wings, and bee butts too, cryogenically preserved for a future examination/dissection/experiments that never came along. I frequently had to vacuum out my freezer to find the chicken potpies.

Suddenly, to my horror, I discovered the orange juice was missing. Orange Juice. What the heck is going on with the orange juice? She looked sincere and honest when she said she’d not drunk all the orange juice. Then I found the roll of film. Doused completely in OJ, I’m not sure what was on the roll originally I only saw pulp. Knowing the amount of ammo in our house and being an avid follower of Myth-Busters I am happy to say I found no locks (and therefore doors) with burn marks. It could have turned out sooooo much worse.

Isn’t hindsight amazing? I thought I’d been doing the best I could. My daughter was my life, she was my support system, heck she raised me. She’s long been the voice of sanity in my adult life – I’d fight through hell and back (if I believed in Hell) for her if need be. While she was growing up I gave her my evenings, my weekends, every effort and opportunity I could, and the best of myself – As a parent you know it wasn’t enough.

Sadly, inside yourself you know it’s never enough. I’m not asking absolution, I can’t find absolution in myself – and heck she can’t give it because she loves me and sees it differently. Now I look back realizing I was even worse a parent during her teen years. If possible I’d take it back, do it differently. Yes, I have long felt guilt, heavy smothering guilt over my parenting (or lack there of.) And still despite me, she turned out a great person and a much better parent than I’d ever hoped to be. Isn’t that the strangest fucking gratification? I tried to make this funny, sadly it’s not, it’s just honest.


Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Vacation - well the late middle part - III?

I am some how falling behind on my vacation post. Ergo the vacation that keeps on giving...beyond the sinus thingie I came home with. On Wednesday morning, not as early as we'd have liked, we got up, bought coffee and a bran muffin and again headed east. Dawn had come and gone, the morning was beautiful and the drive not as long as the day before.

I'd been to Zion Canyon when I was a little girl. My cousin and his wife had gone the week before. Armed with the appropriate footwear they did some hiking, saw a great big rattle snake, and that kept me from wandering too far off the parking lot pavement.

Knowing that Zion is nothing like the Grand Canyon, but holds it's own beauty...and not as long the drive, I thought Ducky would like it. We paid our $25 entrance fee at the park gate. Drove into the park on a little winding road that showed us little.

Little that is, until we rounded a corner and the three buttes came into view. My concerns dissolved as Ducky let out as wonderful, "Oh, wow!"
The sky was a beautiful blue, the red rim rock amazing. I kept thinking that it didn't look quite like I'd remembered (or my mom's pictures bring to mind) I was thinking I'd been wrong and it was Bryce Canyon I was remembering. That was until we got back to the park gift shop to discover picture that look like the Zion Canyon I rember. I'd not been aware that there was two different entrances to Zion National Park.

The entire time I kept wondering how they got the name of Kolob Canyon? So I googled. Now I know more about something I never wanted to know about. It always comes down to Joseph Smith doesn't it? I'm thinking the three buttes must have been a three head phalic thingie with him. Delusional dreams.

I was especially taken with the evidence of erosion slowly digging it's new cracks, fissues, and crevases for the next millienum.
I even had Ducky take my picture, and while it shows exactly how fat I am, I'm sharing. My God those are massive breastesies. I need to diet again.