Saturday, June 02, 2012

Talk Thursday: Me, Myself and I er… I mean Introduce myself – Ego, Id – Super Ego

Ego - the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing,

Who am I? Darn good question and when someone figures it out, please let me know.  Who am I?  Really, I’m not sure.  I was taught to step up, answer the call, I guess in some respects I am the default or reluctant leader.  I don’t want to be the leader, but yeah, it seems to be where I land.  Responsibilities are taken, because someone has to and I’m the idiot who is ever trying to fill the breach. Sadly it often finds me treading water searching for a sandy foothold and taken all the blame. 

Why do I do that? At heart I am lazy, lust for rainy days next to a warm fire with a book in my hands… usually if I have a book in my hands it means I picked it up to dust… or move it to another place.  But choosing to do something because it needs to be done isn’t the mark of a lazy person.  So now I’m an enigma. Family members are not shocked.

Id - primitive instincts and energies underlying all psychic activity

Sadly oftimes I react and then think.  Which sometimes works well at work. And then I get over loaded by all the things I take on and I become something else.  I become resentful at the lack of understanding, I become resentful at the lack of help.  I regret not being smarter.

And let me just say this, being a pacifist I will state boldly, “Do not fuck with my family and my friends.”  Did I mention I’m fairly non violent, but cuss well.

Super-ego -  that part of the unconscious mind that acts as a conscience

Conflict is not my forte. That is not to say I don’t enjoy a good hearted, healthy debate, but I am a peaceful person. I do not like mal intent, mean heartedness, and ire. If I see the writing on the wall, I will not beat my head against said wall, but instead shut my mouth.  And for that I was recently asked why I choose to be a victim?  I don’t choose to be a victim but I recognize when arguing is futile, when saying what I think, feel, and believe will only lead to more strife with no conclusion – no compromise – no resolve.  I am not stupid.

I am a peacemaker. I am forever on the side of the underdog, unless they are really annoying or hateful. I am patient, I am love, I am true, I am evolving, I try to always be as honest as I can be.  Ergo, let me get this out of the way.  I once wore a size eight (I was almost passing out skinny) now I am just fat.

Super-ego -  that part of the unconscious mind that acts as a conscience

My lines are blurred or Freud had no clue. I do not have a father fixation (he was my hero, but had clay feet) none of my husbands are/were like my dad.  We Ducky is hardworking, salt of the earth – the resemblance stops there. I adore my mother – despite her being real life clueless (and a republican). I am responsible for my own actions, decisions, and intents.  So nee neer nee neener Mr. Freud.  My lines are blurred.  And I am still figuring out what I am going to be when I grow up.