Monday, July 19, 2010

Talk Thursday: Respect In The Morning

Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you he loves you you’re gonna believe them

words of hindsight from twenty-year old Taylor Swift. At least I never had a boy friend break up with me via Tweeter, or text, or whatever it was. Money and celebrity doesn’t buy you truth nor happiness.

It’s a Zen thingie.

At fifteen I was eternally dying for some boy, any boy, to like me. In retrospect I’m pretty shocked that parents (mine and many, many others) put so much stock in virginity. When the reality is they should have worried that I kept my soul and my self-respect. ‘Cause when you’re fifteen you don’t have a heck of a lot to barter with and if you are tall, lanky, and a geek you’re somewhat desperate by fifteen to be like all the other girls. So believe? Yep, hook, line, and sinker.

I gave a lot in that search to be “loved.”

My mother always told me you have to like yourself before someone else truly can. I think I was about twenty-four when I realized I really like who I am. I still like who I am. As I slept my way through my life to this moment it was all about becoming me, experiencing what there is between birth and passing over. I wake up in the morning and I can respect myself wholly. I look in the mirror and I like the person who is looking back. I strive to be honest, kind, and truthful.

There are things about myself that I am trying to change because they compromise the integrity of what I believe. But those changes are part of the journey. I can’t take two steps, three steps back, recreate a “hindsight” embarrassing moment to fix a faux pas, but I can step forward into the person I am becoming and never make those false steps again. A kind of a morphing from he person I was just an action and thought ago.

I am physically monogamist, I am spiritually growing, I am forever changing. And darmn-it I like who I am. If I screw it up, I’ll come back and do it better in the next life.



Psamanthe said...

“There is no knowledge of true being. The world is fundamentally in a state of becoming.”


“Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.”

~Anais Nin

Cele said...

Psam, maybe I should read more.

Psamanthe said...

I wasn't trying to imply that you need to read more... I was putting you at an elevated level because you realize that you're in a constant state of becoming..... See, this was an attempt at flattery!!!

Cele said...

I didn't think you were implying such. It's just after reading your great quotes, I thought I should get out of my box more often and expand my horizons. Maybe I'll just buy a book of good quotes and sound loftier?

Anonymous said...

I love what you are saying here. It's so true. If we stop we die a little and it's so hard to get going again. It's the dang entropy thang. It feels good to be writing again.
Pictures coming, but they are probably not the best quality. But at least I took 'em. Have to find my download contraption port thingy. Website in the works too.
Maybe ebay. One thingy at a time.

Cele said...

Lyn I so look forward to seeing your pictures.