Monday, December 15, 2008

Victoria’s Secret …The Business of New Math

I am one of those people your accountant told you about: I do not balance my checkbook. Sad, but very true. While in the past this has caused me much woe, I’ve learned to compensate.

During my second marriage I always buffered my balance by rounding every thing up to either…
1) the nearest dollar… or
2) five dollars

The latter was actually the best method when you consider at the time I always paid more bill than I should have, which meant that something would bounce somewhere, some time. My mother, I am sure hangs her head in woe and angst.

In my third marriage (yes I get better with age and repetition) I have learned to just make sure I have a bumper in my accounts. I still over pay my bills. Which is the point of this whole blog.

America is in a financial crisis. Yeah, I know you had no clue until I told you.

While the bra industry is not sagging (pun intended) to my knowledge, I have to question how some companies remain in business. I was a diehard Victoria Secret customer. Their Emma line was smart, sexy, and affordable. Sadly I can no longer be an Emma Line diehard, the brand just doesn’t make their bras big enough, and yes woe is me, no one else makes affordable, sexy bras for women with large breastesesss. I’m sure Ducky would offer to walk around supporting me, but it would get in the way of my typing. And really, manly hands holding up my ponderously, obnoxious bosom is just a fashion faux pas (or wardrobe malfunction) waiting to happen, plus it’s not like I need to add rear cargo. You try typing when you’re being fondled, I have a hard enough time staying on task without diversions.

Yes, and no I was off task. I paid off my last Victoria Secret bill with sadness and began looking for a new brassiere. Last Friday in the mail I receive a check because I over paid my bill. Now I maybe wrong in my calculations, big companies do buy in bulk and therefore trim the pork off the edges of their bills, but really this is ridiculous.

Now keep in mind I am mathematically challenged being the product of the 1970’s “New Math” Fiasco. Ergo my calculations could be flawed…but not by much. Here is my estimates for Victoria’s Secret to refund my over paid bill (which I paid electronically) are as follows…

1) Envelope - .09 cents
2) Check - .12 cents
3) Office time – this is already a wash so let’s say 1 minute @ $10 an hour is .166 cents
4) Bulk postage .26 cents

Therefore Victoria’s Secret spent approximately .63 cents refunding my over payment of six cents. And I can’t even shop there anymore. If they kept my six cents maybe they could invest in someone to figure out the dimensions of a size “too big, old woman ponderous boobs” so they could keep my business. Maybe I should send them a plaster cast of Ducky’s hands.



foundinidaho said...

I am a diehard Victoria's Secret customer until they quit making their comfortable, long-lasting yet pretty cotton underwear that either fits me or is more than 5 for $25. I quit being a bra customer years ago - I couldn't hack how much they charged.

Anonymous said...

You mean Jane Russell with her cloth measuring tapes and mannequin busts from the 1970's couldn't convince you to go "18 hours"? ;-)

Anonymous said...

I have thought about this same (error in thinking) way too many times. I blame the accounting industry. Oh - and you for having big boobs.

Oh, also - I love Vicki's Secret. I am actually a regular shopper there. My wife loves me. ;) (Most of the time.)

Jazzy said...

Too funny! I have thought the same thing because I have had a similar experience with other companies.

Things are not any slower for me and with Christmas looming large things are more hectic than ever! With all my travels in October and November for work, I am not to the point that I usually am by this time. I will be spending the weekend finishing up some presents, getting some baking done, and getting some other work done around the house. I am not sure if I am going out on "date night" on Friday, so I will come to chat if I don't go.

I will talk to you later my friend!

Cele said...

Fii - That is one of their products I've never tried. But their prices for panties...outrageous

Steve - How Jane Russell (that beautiful hunk of woman) could wear a bra like that was beyond me, But then again, when they first came out they were defiant.

Shiggy my dear, you err...they aren't just big boobies, they are big, aging woman, saggy boobies.

Jazzy, I hope you got the date. They are so much more worth it. Although I love Friday night chats.

Phoenix Touch said...

OMG! This is HILARIOUS Cele! LOVE IT! Oh... and... if you DO happen to find a sex bra maker for “too big, old woman ponderous boobs,” please be sure to let me know. I will be right there with ya!

Phoenix Touch said...

Ummmmm... ye-eah... that is supposed to read: sexY bra maker... sheesh