Change, I battle against the change, for the change, I despair the change, and pray for the absolution – evolution – and revolution of the change. Change - my own metamorphose incomplete until the cycled of ashes is done.
In my youth I was excited at the thought of the new; new places to see - new places to live, new jobs to do, new things to learn, new people to meet. Now, I Entishly dig my toes in to the loam of my yard, grabbing as roots into the sandy soil holding firm to stay happily put for these twenty seven years past. I have no desire to have a bigger house, just a bigger garden with lots of time to till and deadhead. Time and knowledge to herd my Chaintrees, make my posies perky, and listen to the birds thrill in the forest. My home is a temple of peace for the soul.
Twenty seven years that have laid witness to change. Marital changes, spiritual growth, change for my better. And yet, sadly I find I have failed to live up to my ideals, I have not walked my talk; I have bent to the whims of roads easiest traveled.
Oh, don’t get me wrong I recycle, bicycle, and give of myself where I can. But my truck gets less than 30 to the gallon (I love my truck.) I have no cells on my house (which would make me a better steward.) I burn wood. Okay, in all truth, I would still burn wood even if I did have cells on my roof to run my all my new fangled, wasteful appliances and my hot tub. I have been known to wear synthetics, fake tans, and tons of mascara. I don’t eat honey and I indulge in Otter pops, and don’t even get me started on my lust of juicy rare steaks. Can I still be an instrument of change if I don’t walk the talk?
In my attempt to justify my existence I have to say, “Maybe in a different way, instead of an instrument of physical change, maybe I am a tool of spiritual change.” I have embraced the lessons of my road. While I may fear, I harbor no hatreds, no long term grudges (okay, right now I have one – but it will wane) against those who have treated me less than kind. Actually I thank them for the gifts they have left with me. It is for me to pass those gifts and gems of insight on as needed: A pier to my peers, a soul where they can rest; a sounding board where they can vent, a voice of reason in the onslaught of their storms of change; a respite where they can rest and recharge.
Am I some magnificent other world saint? Ha, ha, ohmigod hardly. No, just an old being…with a widening expanse of buttland (I think that is from resting on my laurels.) Do I think I’m something special? No, I just learn, listen, ask questions, and give of what I have an abundance of – me. And when it comes to changing my mind, admitting I’m wrong, giving over to the dark side I can do so without fear. Do I have an abundance of confidence and self worth? No, I am as uncertain of myself as you are of yourself, but if I can work to change my self worth and evolve then I can help others.
Life is change, and strangely I now find I’m up to the challenge.
Sith,
Cele
Life is change
Saturday, June 21, 2008
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3 comments:
"A pier to my peers, a soul where they can rest; a sounding board where they can vent, a voice of reason in the onslaught of their storms of change; a respite where they can rest and recharge."
WOW! I LOVED that piece above. Especially the "pier to my peers." LOVE it!
I count myself blessed to be walking this electronic path beside you...
So you don't have cells... and you drive a truck..
I know what an Ent is. I love flowers and I can grow just about anything... even houseplants (haha). God talks to me with the voice of the wind. Your home will always be my home above all others, whether you like it or not.
When I take my son to the park, we search out liter to throw away before we leave, because I was raised to leave a place better than I found it. I don't fake tan, because fake tanning is bad. It gave my mom cancer, and I take pride in my milky, glow-in-the-dark skin.
I know "hate" is a bad word. I learned to love my enemy, and sometimes it takes a year, or ten, but to forgive and forget, and take the lesson life gave to me. Every experience is a lesson.
I would say you've walked your talk well enough and I love you for it.
~ Krista
Abgue- thank you for letting me walk with you, friends make our trip fuller.
Psam - I am blessed with the best daughter. Thank you for teaching me so much, for sharing your life with me, your son with me, your joys and pains with me. I am blessed.
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