Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Ten Jobs I Do Not Want

10 Jobs I Do Not Want!

I was surprised at how seriously I took this tag, thank you Natalie. I had wholly intended to do a totally tongue in cheek blog, but instead, whoa, intense…beginning with those dreaded…

1) Snakes – I do not want to be a snake handler, snake hunter, snake milker, snake charmer. Anyone who knows me totally understands this. When I was growing up on Tanfield Drive, Mr. Turner had these massive tortoises in his back yard. What did this have to do with snakes? He was, yes was, a snake hunter. He hunted rattlers for their venom. When I was a kid I remember hearing he’d been bitten three times. I know that is how he left this earth too. This also saves me from federal and state politicians, door-to-door salesmen, and lawyers.

2) President of the United States. I just don’t think I can dumb down for this job as it seems Americans want.

3) Prayer listening Angel. There are what? 7 billion human beings on earth, potentially half of them pray to “a” god. I believe there is only one God, who goes by many names. So anyway, can you imagine listening to the Shrub’s prayers? Those of BB8’s Amber or Jameka? To Osama Bin Laden’s? I’ll pass.

4) Athletic shoemaker. No, I’m not talking about Phil Knight, the Bazillionaire who employees said shoemakers, I’m talking about the little guy, girl, grandmother, baby in some Micronesia sweatshop who makes .50 cents a day working 10 to 12 hours a day, six to seven days a week, so snot nosed American brats can beg mommy and daddy to spend top dollar for the latest fad.

5) Ad representative who sold their soul to sell those blood money sneakers.

6) Saint Peter. I’m not sure I could turn enough cheeks (and I’ve got a lot of cheek) to let in a repentant Michael Vick, Adolph Hitler, Jim Jones, Wayne Gacey, or George Custer into Heaven. And turning a cheek is just what the job requires to let in the “repentant.” And no I don’t think I’m good enough for Heaven. But it sounds awesome.

7) Money counter at a casino. Enough said.

8) Gynecologist or Proctologist – would you?

9) Phlebotomist – Needles are the snakes of all inanimate objects.

10) Refund agent for anyone – especially post Christmas.

Hmmm, who to tag???? CV Rick, Pomp, Jazzy, Karin, and Jake.


CV Rick said...

There's a great book for you to read that plays around with modern society, advertising, and the athletic shoe culture - Jennifer Government. It's brilliant.

I'll put it on the list for Saturday Memes.

Jazzy said...

Great list Cele! I have been super busy lately. I will have to bring you up to speed with everything on Friday night. My list is on my blog at: http://jazzyartistthoughts.blogspot.com/

wry catcher said...

Totally concur with your list - and add "accountant," "finance person" and "CFO" to the list. Shudder.

Sideon said...

I have a friend who's a retired Urologist. Some of his stories boggle my mind.

Cele said...

Wry I came really close to adding something to do with numbers. I am terrible. I don't evern balance my check book, I just make sure there is enough in savings to cover what could happen.

Sid, Urologist? I'd rather be back in a barn mucking road apples. I've always wondered how people choose their specialties in Med School. "Wow, that scared the piss out of me!" and they decide to be a Urologist.

Sister Mary Lisa said...

LOL on your list, Cele. Great stuff.

JulieAnn Henneman said...

No GYN or proctology, huh? Hm.