Saturday, May 26, 2012

Talk Thursday: Jealousy (subtitled: I Do Not)

This is an emotion or lack of character I don’t get.  What I have I worked hard for, what you have you wanted and worked for yourself, but wanting what someone else has is just a lacking inside.

Double Ex and I split on good grounds. And then he got married. No, problem I did too.  Double Ex walked out on me, walked out on Psam, and walked out on our life.  Which apparently is what he wanted at one time and then didn’t.  Okay, I get that. We remained friends until his wife felt threatened. And then he did something so thoughtlessly cruel. That I can’t take. That I can’t forgive.  Fuck me over, make me a fool but don’t fuck over my kid, literally hand her what she wants and then take it away forever.  That is unforgivable on this plane of existence.

Let me reiterate, I am not jealous. I do not want what is not mine. I do not aspire, dream, or scheme for a life and it’s trappings that are not mine. I do not want to be in the spotlight – and yes I see the irony in that, but also know that people who know my name have no clue who I am.  Sincerely.  The guy who runs the casino in my town will call the station and ask me how I know so much trivia (I do a trivia section during Harley’s show that is somewhat popular) but this same guy will totally ignore or even look through me when we run into each other in a public place. He knows my name, he might even know my voice, but he doesn’t have a clue what I look like.  It works very well for me.  I’ve had my stalker in life, thank you very much, one stalker is enough for several life times.

More than once I have walked into a business to be hailed by my name (hey, I’ve lived here for the better part of 40 years – I have friends) and have someone pop their head up from behind a sales rack and say “Flockhart?”  Who does that?  Since the first time I have replied, “Really?  Do I look like I need to eat a sandwich.”  Hey she’s that skinny, and my butt is that big.  I am not jealous, she’s married to Harrison Ford (who is a hottie in my book) they are married right? I’m married to Ducky Stand On The Grass and he rocks my world. Alls good.  She can’t walk out of her house without being followed by paparazzi, I can go unfettered anywhere I darn well want.  That is freedom.

Hey, she might even be jealous of our freedom and anonymity. If you were her, wouldn’t you be?

Okay, she does have a bikini body, and drats! I miss my bikini body.



Jen said...

If I were still a Christian I would say there is a special place in you-know-where for ex-spouses who use their kids to make a point with their ex-spouses. Since I'm a Buddhist, I have to come up with a much-less-scary-sounding ex-spouses who use their kids to make a point with their ex-spouses shall be reincarnated as, I dunno, as disgusting palmetto bugs one hundred times. Doesn't really have the same ring to it, does it?