Thursday, September 16, 2010

Talk Thursday: It’s Not Rocket Science

Coincidentally, I’ve addressed this topic before (March 2006) and this is the third blog I’ve started (and hopefully will finish) this week. The last time I was blogging about my water heater and the little white button that controls one huge pleasure and necessity in my life – hot water. Some people need a cup of coffee to start their morning… well I do too, but not until I’ve had my fifteen minutes of hot water… steaming hot water, not luke warm, not tepid, but hot, decadent, steamy water (no wonder I fight mildew in my bathroom.)

So back in March of ought six I bought a new thermostat and an element. Ducky drained the water and “fixed” the problem. And four and a half years later I am still walking into the garage to push the white button (that he swears you can’t push – “No, it’s the red button.” He’s fucking color blind.) Why? Six months ago he told me he only changed the element.

It’s not friggin’ rocket science, it’s a hot water heater, dude.

Men, can’t live with them and you just can’t shoot them.

I’m not brilliantly intelligent, but I’m no dummy either, I adore trivia. Adore it. As does Psam, she to the extent that in her senior year she memorized all the Q&A’s from two (I believe) different editions of Trivial Pursuit. My own trivial pursuits come from an interest to know what I don’t. This I am sure is compounded by my mother’s voice in my head saying, “Look it up” which I bless her for –

"Mom,I can’t spell extricate."
“Look it up.”
"Mom, what is astrodynamics?"
“Look it up.” Okay I never asked that one, but you get the drift and that would be rocket science.

But the point, is if I don’t know something I look it up. That is only half the problem (my needing to know drives my husband in—sane), the other half is my freaky memory. Music is the easiest for me and of course things from my childhood. But the true problem lies in the way I think and answers why I can spend an hour in the dictionary, two hours in an encyclopedia, half the day in an almanac, and an eternity on Google. One thing leads to another, the logic is neither linear nor sting.

Each evening before my shift Harley and I do a trivia block to close out his. Monday through Thursday he ask the question, Friday I get to ask. Here lies the demonstration of the bleach blonde mind in action –

Me – (in a sing song voice) Helloooo Harley, hello – hello – hello.

Harley – Hello, Calista, ready for a little trivia – I think we can stump you tonight (he says this every night - except Fridays.)

Me – sure Harley, let’s go.

Harley – Okay, first question: Where lies the origin of the pineapple? Hint – (and he points toward the floor – which I point out to the audience, because hey, it’s radio.)

Me – Well I am assuming because you’re pointing to the ground it’s not Hawaii. I can’t believe it would be California and it’s certainly not Oregon, so Mexico? Where?

Harley – No Calista, it’s not Mexico.

Me – well you were pointing to the ground, so China?

Harley – No, Calista, South America.

Me – Well then, shouldn’t you have been pointing south instead of pointing to the ground? I mean really you were pointing to China. (although I still wouldn’t have known.)

Harley – Yes, south would have been a better choice, now that you point it out.

Me – So if pineapples come originally from South America, what did the Chinese do for sweet and sour sauce before the introduction of pineapple into their diet?

I believe I baffled him.

Harley – Where was the first, temporary, capitol of the United States?

Me – Did you know there were actually 16 presidents before Washington?

Harley – Calista, I’m asking the questions here. Don’t know the answer?

Me – New York City.

Harley – Yep. Okay, next question: General George Custer was best known for what?

Me – Well Harley, he’d been demoted and died at little Big Horn as a Colonel, but most people don’t realize it. That’s what a stubborn, willful temperament will get you.

Harley – Demoted?

Me – no, scalped, he’d been warned not to go. If your scouts had told you not to go because they were walking into a trap would you have gone? Willful I tell you.

Harley – I’m asking the questions here. Next question Calista, what is the string on the animal...

Me – I know this, I know this, woo hooo I know this - for hanging on the Christmas tree.

Harley – Calista, you didn’t even let me finish the question.

Me – I’m sorry, Harley, ask away.

Harley – Here’s your next question, what vegetable would Bush not eat.

Me – See I let you finish the question

Harley – yes, you did, thank you Calista - but do you know the answer.

Me – I believe what he said was, “I’m the President and I don’t have to eat broccoli.” Which, I believe annoyed broccoli farmers and mothers everywhere, because really who wants their son telling them “The President said he doesn’t have to eat his broccoli and I don’t’ either!” What next, Brussells Sprouts? You eat your Broccoli don’t you Harley?

Harley – yes with melted cheese on it.

Me – well there you go kids, eat your broccoli and you to can have a long storied career in radio.

Harley (shaking his head and trying not to look dumbfounded) – good night Calista.

Come on, I love Cash Cab and Jeopardy – so get real. Oh, but my favorite tv show is Big Bang Theory, now that is physics and rocket science.



Psamanthe said...

ummmmm I thought the first capital was Philadelphia???

hahaha my verification word is sholomi.... must be Jewish salami... hehe

Cele said...

Yes.... and No

Under the constitution, New York City was the first site of the new U.S. national government, followed by Philadelphia for ten years, and then Washington, D.C.

Psamanthe said...

But the First Continental Congress met in Philadelphia fron September 5, 1774 to Octover 24th, 1774....

He didn't specify the first capital "under the constitution".... I'm just sayin...