Tuesday, December 22, 2009

A classic Christmas tale reimagined — in yellow and green

Tonight the Oregon State Beavers go up against the BYU Cougars in the 2009 Maaco Las Vegas Bowl. GO BEAVS! Yes, I am a dyed in the wool green and yellow Duck quac-natic, but I do root for the Beavs when they are not playing the Ducks. There is also the little bitty revenge factor about a certain BYU team beating the Ducks at a certain Las Vegas Bowl in recent memory. So, Go Beavs!

The Eugene Register Guard has a great columnist, Bob Welch, who for every Duck bowl appearance writes a great column. Today he out did himself with a remastered rendition of The Night Before Christmas. - For your reading pleasure I present A classic Christmas tale reimagined — in yellow and green by Bob Welch as it appeared in today's Eugene Register-Guard.

‘Twas three days before Christmas, when all though Eugene,
Holiday colors had been changed to yellow and green.
The I LOVE MY DUCKS shirts were hung up with care,
By the likes of LaMichael James and big Brandon Bair.

The players were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of Pasadena danced in their heads,
Bair dreamed of sacks, James of 80-yard runs.
(One trio of regrets regarding pellet guns.)

When on the Autzen turf, there rose such a clatter,
They sprung from their beds to see what was the matter.
And in living color, they realized why they had risen,
The ’09 highlights were ablaze on DuckVision.

The moon cast the midfield “O” with a sheen,
While players and coaches watched the video screen.
When, what to their wondering eyes should appear,
But the Duck mascot, exuding a comical sneer.

While cockily nodding his head he started to skip,
And they knew in a moment it must be St. Chip.
More rapid than eagles, he ripped off his Duck head,
And, indeed, it was the master of offenses spread.

He pointed at the screen and said, “One last look back,
Before our New Year’s Day attack of the Quack.”
First was Smurfville for that “we had a bad day.”
A post-game punch and an offense M-I-A.

What better way to forget that field ugly in blue,
Than a 38-36 win over the Boilermakers of Purdue?
Despite pants of gray, the Ducks upped their morale,
With a win over Utah, followed by a blowout of Cal.

They buried the Cougars, playing lively and quick,
And rallied past the Bruins on the return of a kick.
The Huskies and Trojans were like fish in a barrel,
Leaving flustered fans such as Trojan Will Ferrell.

Stanford beat the Ducks, but they reversed their fate,
With a 44-21 dismantling of Arizona State.
Then, with ’Zona students ready to rush the field,
Believing a Wildcat victory had all but been sealed,

Oregon reached down deep for some intangible pluck,
Including a field goal that got some cross-bar luck.
On fourth-and-the-season, Masoli didn’t pale,
Later throwing TDs to Dickson and Maehl.

The Beavers were eager, with ESPN in the booth,
But the Quackers quacked last against the Benton Bucktooths.
Now, with the look-back finished, Chip’s coursers they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name.

“Now Dasher! now, Dancer! now, Prancer and Vixen!
On, Costa! On Cavaille! on T.J. and Dickson!
To the top of the BCS, to the top of the polls,
Now dash away, dash away, and meet those Duck goals!”

He turned to his coaches, from Campbell to Frost,
And lauded them for hanging despite the high cost.
Helfrich, Greatwood, Pellum; Nick, Oz, Azz and Neal,
“Now,” he said, “let’s go out and finish this deal.”

And then, in a twinkling, from the past they did come,
The misty, aged images of Duck players alum.
Huntington, Van Brocklin, Fouts, Moore and Bob Berry,
Wheaton, Joey, J-Stew and Herman O’Berry.

The Wilcox Fam, Dixon, Droughns and Chris Oldham,
Musgrave, Cota, Chung, Bird and Alex Molden.
They wished the team good luck, amid winter’s chill,
Having, of course, been flown here by Santa Claus Phil.

By now, fans had filled Autzen, St. Chip offering respect,
For Ohio State and their coach in his sleeveless V-neck.
Then up he lifted it, up, up to his nose
A single red bud from a crimson queen rose.

Now, with no huddle, to his team he gave whistle,
And away the sleigh flew south, like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ’ere he guided those Ducks,
“Happy Christmas to all, then bring on those Bucks.”

© Photo: Eugene Register Guard
© Bob Welch

Proof reading by Eddie. (thanks dude)


Anonymous said...

So, is it a typo, or a funky Freudian thing talking about BYU beating Dykes in Las Vegas (in the first paragraph)?


Cele said...

Oh, crap, thank you Eddie, it's fixed.