Tuesday, April 01, 2008

It's not the fence that makes good neighbors, it's the pet

Have you ever thought about your choice of pets? In hindsight? I have a pissy basset, he doesn’t bark at rose killing neighbors, no he just whines to get in to the house, to the treats, to shed everywhere. As Spring awakens, bringing out new flower blooms and new leaves budding on my bushes (well everything except my now dead climbing rose bush) I am questioning my choice of pets.

We just put in a hot tub, one we’ve been giving to each other for several anniversaries--past, present, and future. And damn, I’ve no concealing rose hedge to hid its position in my back yard. There will be no naked cavorting in the bubbly jets. There will be no carnal middle age lust, even in the dark witching hours of 3am, when only owls could see. Why, because my hot tub is open to all who wish to view my backyard (and my new room too) for neighboring backyards for at least a block.

My “neighbor” (doesn’t that word carry a connotation of friendliness and respect?) has no shrubbery (especially not mine) in his backyard. Nada. And his front yard is dead except two Rhodies and he’s pulling one of them out. No, he has one tree and gravel. I shit you not, ¾ gravel for all to see. Quite a tidy (and stark) backyard. Nope, no neighborliness there, nor here. So I am considering my next pet.

A Velociraptor! (I had to ask how to spell it, but I know what they can do.)

I would buy it a yellow bow, to remind me and my “neighbor” of the roses that won’t bloom this May. Maybe a light lavender tether to remind him of the wisteria he should think twice about touching. After I have fed him well on gumpy Hawaiin rejects, I could lend out my Velociraptor for house sitting, it would cut down the volume of vaction break ins, vandalism, and geez—graffiti (although I tend to enjoy the graffiti I see on the sides of the trains in Mapleton.) But think of the city walls, public buildings, and billboard it would save if I lent out my yellow bowed Velociraptor. I like that word, Velociraptor.

So keep me in mind while you’re on your next safari through the want ads or on vacation.

Wanted: 1 male (they’re more territorial) Velociraptor. Yellow bow optional.


Sketch copyright: Edyta Felcyn My Jurassic


sideon said...

I like to leave a school of piranha in the swimming pool when we leave on vacation. I especially like coming back and finding a shredded swimming suit or two.


Phoenix Touch said...

OMG! Hilarious! Makes me really want to think twice about getting a place of my own. There is always the possibilities of weirdo neighbors. (I used to be married to one!)

Cele said...

Sid I wonder if pirahna will hold up in my hot tub? thanks for the idea, I will lend you my Velociraptor after I've fed it... luau

Abgue, don't think twice about buying your own place, it is so much better than renting. Of course a house in the middle of 20 acres is the best bet. Sadly not affordable for me. And I like my little house.