Wednesday, October 24, 2007

A confusing blog born of fire

Every Tuesday night, I’m up late. Last night was no difference. Tuesday is the night I put together my Wednesday Links. It’s Dancing With The Stars Results night so I’m blogging for Jenny T’s Dancing Off The Edge. But I stayed up even later last night mesmerized, horrified, and saddened by the California fires, drinking in every reported word.

My entire childhood was spent in southern California. I’m third generation Angeleno, and am proud of my beginnings. Now a lot of the happier places in my memory are burning and my heart aches. Anza Boraga, Los Padres National Forest, Skyland Ranch and the San Jacintos, Lake Arrowhead and a camp I can’t remember the name of but probably had to do something with Arrowhead or pines, and then Big Bear. Which are burning or have already burnt, I’m not sure. But the earth is reclaiming it’s own, cleansing the scars, and continuing it’s cycle of life, destruction, death, rebirth.

These memories were up near the surface before the fires broke out. My brother was visiting this past week and that always makes me think of our happy childhood. My parents tried their darnedest to give us a varied beginning. Not bad for a woman who had a nanny growing up and a silver spoon, and a man who at times only had one pair of socks. We were raised on motorcycles, horses, boats, long family hikes, and a full respect of nature.

Those beginnings influenced my brother’s present, much more than it did mine. He has three thriving businesses in Sioux Falls, is well known on the mid west racing circuit, and lives life to its fullest. My brother lives to race. At forty nine he still lives, eats, and breathes racing. He has nine racing teams. All three businesses are racing related: a performance auto parts business, auto shop, and vinyl printing business. He is challenged, he grows, he is content.

Sometimes I stop in my tracks and wonder at my growth/shake my head in self-contempt. Am I stale, walking circles in the same ruts that I traced decades ago? I think not, but as a human self doubt is just another facet of my personality. Am I making the most of what I can be? Probably not but I am happy and content. Do I need more? Well of course. I need peace. I need to be needed. I need to contribute. I need to help build up others to be worthy of myself, and my place here on earth; to fulfill the legacy that my parents taught me.

I watched those images flickering on the telly last night. The terror of the lives lost, fear for the animals trying to flee the firestorms, the heartbreak people left in the wake of this tragedy race through my thoughts. I have been extremely blessed in my life, suffered no tragedies that I couldn’t over come and survive. And these people will survive too. I marveled at the strength and tenacity of those gathered in Qualcomm awaiting the first opportunity to go ?home? and start again. At the hands and hearts that gathered to help those in their time of need. I listened later to the comments of Northwest firefighters who knew their time to finally give a helping hand back to their Southern California counterparts had come.

They will survive; the trees will grow again, because well that is what trees do. Animals will repopulate their habitats, because, well that is what animals do. And mankind will rebuild their towns, their roads, their cities because that is what we do. The lives might be gone, but the memories are there. Memories that sustain us, strengthen us, and make us rebuild again.

As I sat there last night and this morning I remember how blessed I am. I thank God, my parents, my siblings, and my friends for the support systems I have always had. To those left in the wake of this firestorm my heart goes out to you, my thoughts are for you, and my prayers remember you. As cliché as it sounds, tomorrow is a brand new day.



An Enlightened Fairy said...

Lovely post, babe. I didn't realize it had gotten to Big Bear. I have friends there, I will need to check on them. This is awful.
Like Cele, I'm sending love and positive thoughts to those in Southern Cali.

Sideon said...

**big big hugs**

Off topic alert: morning glory. We have two kinds. One is in the back and it's a vine that will grow up to 30 feet a year - it's not grown more than 7 or 8 feet since last year. Could be the dirt. We have a different variety in the front on a trellis. It was supposed to be a slow grower, and it went crazy - sometimes a foot a day. It's so heavy it is pulling the trellis from the house. We should have chopped it/clipped it earlier. It's big and beautiful, and there's probably space to hide (or find) Jimmy Hoffa's body, but we're just gonna wait until it's colder to see how it does with the frost. Next year I'm planting sweat peas, anyway.

Bottom line: be careful. I'm starting to think like Julz: they're almost a weed.

An Enlightened Fairy said...

Wow, Cele! That is an amazing post!!
"The quiet whispers immediately turned to awed oohs of wonder as each girl in the meadow drank in the vision of that star shooting across our vision. And then it was gone; each of us secretly wishing for another, just so we could live it again."
Lovely. I felt like I was right there with you, thanks for sharing this experience (and playing along!).

An Enlightened Fairy said...

Dang. I commented under the wrong post. You know what I meant. LOL

Cele said...

Sid thank you for the Morning Glory up date. I'm thinking instead of in my lilly garden, maybe in my brush which is right behind my lilly garden.

Fairy, I will take your comments where they may land.