Talk Thursday: Respect In The Morning

Cause when you’re fifteen and somebody tells you he loves you you’re gonna believe them

words of hindsight from twenty-year old Taylor Swift. At least I never had a boy friend break up with me via Tweeter, or text, or whatever it was. Money and celebrity doesn’t buy you truth nor happiness.

It’s a Zen thingie.

At fifteen I was eternally dying for some boy, any boy, to like me. In retrospect I’m pretty shocked that parents (mine and many, many others) put so much stock in virginity. When the reality is they should have worried that I kept my soul and my self-respect. ‘Cause when you’re fifteen you don’t have a heck of a lot to barter with and if you are tall, lanky, and a geek you’re somewhat desperate by fifteen to be like all the other girls. So believe? Yep, hook, line, and sinker.

I gave a lot in that search to be “loved.”

My mother always told me you have to like yourself before someone else truly can. I think I was about twenty-four when I realized I really like who I am. I still like who I am. As I slept my way through my life to this moment it was all about becoming me, experiencing what there is between birth and passing over. I wake up in the morning and I can respect myself wholly. I look in the mirror and I like the person who is looking back. I strive to be honest, kind, and truthful.

There are things about myself that I am trying to change because they compromise the integrity of what I believe. But those changes are part of the journey. I can’t take two steps, three steps back, recreate a “hindsight” embarrassing moment to fix a faux pas, but I can step forward into the person I am becoming and never make those false steps again. A kind of a morphing from he person I was just an action and thought ago.

I am physically monogamist, I am spiritually growing, I am forever changing. And darmn-it I like who I am. If I screw it up, I’ll come back and do it better in the next life.

Sith,
Cele