And A Mighty Chest It Is

I think about blogging constantly, Hello my name is Cele, and I blog. A.LOT. SML needs to hold session soon.

Unfortunately I don’t write as much as I think about writing and not nearly as much as the average blogger. Which I suppose is okay, because who in the heck reads my blog anyway? I’m not whining, I just realize that the only person who is hurt by my not blogging is me.

So today I have a bit on my chest, and a mighty chest it is, but a chest no less that can only hold so much. So here are random attacks at thought, comprehension, and higher mental health numbers.

It started raining again today. Nothing new, this is Oregon. But about, hmmm four weeks ago I bought two new sets of windshield wiper blades; a set for Zuzu and a set from Ducky’s commuter car. Well par for course when I bought them Discount Store Down The Street didn’t have all I needed so I bought one refill for the passenger side of my truck and gave the good ones to Ducky. Well that isn’t quite true. Let me rephrase, I set aside the two good matching ones for Ducky. Today’s rain made me decide to change out my blades.

WHO THE HECK THOUGHT UP REFILL? The Marquis De Sade? So today, four weeks later, I throw the refill in the trash (but only after spending an hour trying to master the piece of crap,) drive back to Discount Store Down The Street, who now has the correct blades. Finished the job – piece of cake. Tomorrow I’ll do Ducky’s car.

I believe in truth in advertising. A rare concept I know. But damn it if a product says it’s going to take the soap scum residue and build up off my shower walls, don’t cha think it should….especially after using cases of the crap? I am here to tell you, “Fuck, NO it doesn’t.” Can’t someone tell the truth about their crappy product?

When I write an ad, I try to tell the truth. I really do. Thank God I don’t have some of the crappy restaurants in town as clients, I would be in a world of hurt. But I do have tuna fishermen as clients; so when I say “Buy your tuna off the boat fresh” I make sure I say, while supplies last first.

Example,

“While supplies last, fresh tuna is waiting for you on the Fishing Vessel Going Under.” It just makes good business sense to me. The fish will be fresh in supply while it last, and the supply will last until it’s sold. I know there is a gray line there, but let me tell you fresh tuna at a good fee tends to sell fast.

So why can’t a shower cleaner work or at least tell me it’s a fifty - fifty crapshoot? (wow, did you know crapshoot is in the dictionary? I didn’t until my spell checker corrected me. Fuck is too, I guess dictionaries are allowed to cuss, don’t tell my mom she’ll charge it a quarter for each indiscretion.)

Dog food, my poor Arlo is suffering from food allergies, the poor baby scratches and licks non-stop. Drives me friggin’ crazy (btw friggin’ is not in the dictionary.) I knew that dogs had problems with corn; you should stay away from any dog food where corn is among the top three ingredients. Try that, it’s not easy. But I learned long ago. Or so I thought. I didn't know dogs have gluten allergies worse than corn. My poor dog – his favorite treats are riddled with wheat, corn meal, and a lot of other crap not good for him. So now I must find him new treats, ask my vet about Benedyrl for him, something that will keep him from scratching, biting, licking, chewing, and driving me and Ducky crazy.

Dj’s that think the world is interested in every little opinion they have. WTF! This is only made worse by Dj’s that talk about topics they know nothing about. Drives me bat shit. It is compounded by Dj’s (dj’s, btw, is not in the dictionary) who run a joke into the ground. Who do not respect their audience. Who demean others – especially when they’re not God’s gift to radio (or the world) in the first place. Or the DJ who constantly tells you that this song was their favorite make out song in high school. The only thing worse than this, is the Dj who is boring and speak very little, but play lots of music – er which is the category I fall into. Sadly. Oh maybe not.

So what’s on your chest today?