It’s Just Too Big A Risk Factor

Ducky and I were driving down I-105 the other day and noticed that the Oregon Lottery was up to $131 million. Wow, that’s a lot of bird feed. Now you might have noticed, I didn’t say it was Megabucks nor did I say it was Powerball. Why? Because I don’t play the lottery, and really never have (really never have equates, rarely in Celespeak.) My mom buys tickets every week, I’m not really sure why. My dad never forgets to remind my mom to buy THE tickets, I think it’s just to have something to bug her about. Ducky buys tickets just a wee bit more often than I do.

As we were driving home from our kindly friend’s wake we had that great hypothetical question discussion, What Would You Do If You Won The Lottery? Of course it’s hypothetical, when was the last time YOU won the lottery? Okay, when was the last time you knew someone who won the lottery? Not close? When was the last time you heard of someone, you knew, who knew someone who’d won the lottery? See it can get unwieldy; playing six degrees of separation to Kevin Bacon would be easier. In our hypothetical Q&A session Ducky and I always conclude we wouldn’t buy a bigger house. (Thank God we’re on the same page, because this could be a deal breaker.) Buying a new house is what everyone does when they win the lottery.

It comes down to this: there is Ducky, there is me, and there is Arlo. Two people and a Bassett that weighs more than an average teen, we don’t require a lot of space. The only time our little 1,044 square foot house feels small is at the holidays. And then it feels wonderful. I love having the family for Christmas. But that is only one day a year. If I’m lucky it’s a weekend and they stay overnight – well Psam and Ben do anyway if she doesn’t have to work. But for the rest of the year our house is perfection. So why would I want a bigger house? It is just more space to accumulate junk. There would be just more surface to grab dust. And there would be more corners to collect cobwebs. I mean really it is cleaning waiting to happen. I ask you, who would do that to themselves?

Plus, when you win the lottery suddenly “friends” and “long lost family” crawl out of the woodwork. My dad has a saying, “If you can’t come see me when I’m alive, don’t come see me when I’m dead.” (actually that’s my saying, too) My dad is talking about not having a funeral and being cremated, but doesn’t it pertain to winning the lottery? Sheesh, when was the last time the government did something for you besides licensing and taxation? And yet, they will be the first with their hand out, wanting their fair share.

The lottery is just to big a risk. A government backed pyramid scheme. Who needs the stress, excess family, and cleaning? See it just causes more cleaning to prepare for the family that is going to show up (uninvited) offering to help you with your tax audit by the government when they didn’t get a big enough share the first time around. It’s insanity I tell you, who thought this through?

Of course, you know, I could buy Arlo a new collar. Pay off the girl’s college loans, and replace the heater in Ducky’s car, and pay someone to clean my flowerbeds once a year.

So what about you? Bigger house?