Who am
I? Darn good question and when someone figures it out, please let me know. Who am I?
Really, I’m not sure. I was
taught to step up, answer the call, I guess in some respects I am the default
or reluctant leader. I don’t want to be
the leader, but yeah, it seems to be where I land. Responsibilities are taken, because someone has to and I’m the
idiot who is ever trying to fill the breach. Sadly it often finds me treading
water searching for a sandy foothold and taken all the blame.
Why do I do that? At heart I am lazy, lust for
rainy days next to a warm fire with a book in my hands… usually if I have a
book in my hands it means I picked it up to dust… or move it to another
place. But choosing to do something
because it needs to be done isn’t the mark of a lazy person. So now I’m an enigma. Family members are not
shocked.
Id - primitive instincts and energies underlying all psychic activity
Sadly
oftimes I react and then think. Which
sometimes works well at work. And then I get over loaded by all the things I
take on and I become something else. I
become resentful at the lack of understanding, I become resentful at the lack
of help. I regret not being smarter.
And let me just say this, being a pacifist I will state
boldly, “Do not fuck with my family and my friends.” Did I mention I’m fairly non violent, but cuss well.
Super-ego
- that part of the
unconscious mind that acts as a conscience
Conflict
is not my forte. That is not to say I don’t enjoy a good hearted, healthy
debate, but I am a peaceful person. I do not like mal intent, mean heartedness,
and ire. If I see the writing on the wall, I will not beat my head against said
wall, but instead shut my mouth. And
for that I was recently asked why I choose to be a victim? I don’t choose to be a victim but I
recognize when arguing is futile, when saying what I think, feel, and believe
will only lead to more strife with no conclusion – no compromise – no
resolve. I am not stupid.
I am a
peacemaker. I am forever on the side of the underdog, unless they are really
annoying or hateful. I am patient, I am love, I am true, I am evolving, I try
to always be as honest as I can be.
Ergo, let me get this out of the way.
I once wore a size eight (I was almost passing out skinny) now I am just
fat.
Super-ego
- that part of the
unconscious mind that acts as a conscience
My lines are blurred or Freud had no clue. I do
not have a father fixation (he was my hero, but had clay feet) none of my
husbands are/were like my dad. We Ducky
is hardworking, salt of the earth – the resemblance stops there. I adore my
mother – despite her being real life clueless (and a republican). I am
responsible for my own actions, decisions, and intents. So nee neer nee neener Mr. Freud. My lines are blurred. And I am still figuring out what I am going
to be when I grow up.
Sith,
Cele
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